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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/1/2010
Posts: 255
Location: hampshire
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Dear Gogs I am sure they will understand. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we get the help we need. I was caring for my 95 year old mother, a difficult lady at the best of times and then she developed dementia. The day came when I snapped and ended up crying down the phone to the social services as I couldn't manage anymore. They were able to offer both advice and support to help me continue. Things were still hard but I wasn't on my own. You are in such a difficult place and I hope that knowing there are so many people thinking about you helps just a bit. Hugs Sue 
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 302
Location: Rainham Kent
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Dear Gogs,
It was a great relief to hear that were not stopping all your drugs at once.
The goodness and kindness you have shown in your friends and neighbours is
reflected in your posts here. So many of us RAers (!) carry on through gritted teeth
that we are coping that its the straw (ie lamp) that breaks the camel's back.
Hope that makes sense. Could you get an earlier appointment with your Doctor?
16 days time seems a long time to wait. It you who needs help NOW. Not a kiddy
with a snotty nose.
Love Anne
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Hi Gogs, If your consultants have an ounce of compassion they will react with understanding and realise this was the act of a desperate woman. You could always ask your GP to contact hem on your behalf, or your rheumy nurse - they will have seen this all before. I think the "detached" feeling that you describe so vividly is a combination of extreme fatigue, anxiety, depression - it`s as if you are outside your body, watching yourself. It will pass. As for being wonderful and in a mess - you have already demonstrated what a marvellous person you are to have come this far without cracking. When I was depressed, my very wise GP said that in his experience, only the strong, caring people hit rock bottom, because they were the ones who took it upon themselves to never let others down, to cope with what was thrown at them, to push themselves over the limit, to take on extra burdens without complaint - I know you will recognise all these things. This is what makes you the person you are, but that person has now hit a wall, and needs help. It`s in your nature to get on with things, to stay strong, but this time you must take any help you can get until you feel stronger. We can do nothing practical to help you, but all of us are here in cyber-space for you, so please keep posting, and lean on any shoulders you can find. Love, Kathleen x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 10/25/2013 Posts: 83 Location: warwick
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I have only just read your posts and just wanted to say , like everyone else that I am thinking of you and hope you get the help you need , I hate what this awful disease does to all the lovely people on this forum , it's just not fair ,we are all grieving for the lives we had. please take care x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/25/2010 Posts: 1,289 Location: Buckinghamshire
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hi Gogs,
i can only reiterate what Kathleen as said, i do feel you need to go and see your GP sooner, i feel from all your posts you are in the throws of depression which is totally understandable, along with fatigue and overall feeling dreadful. and i also feel your Consultant should know just how you are too, perhaps your GP could contact him/her. my Rheumy Nurse is very supportive also .. do you have a number to get through to her? i know you had to change your Rheumy Department a while back.
no wonder you can't see a compliment when given one,
i would urge you to go and talk to your GP, mine is like a friend and who i run too when ever needed. hope you have a good relationship with yours. the time has come for you to be looked after, i know you are responsible for your husband, but you won't be any good to him if you're feeling this way.
a lot of people with a chronic condition have to take anti-depressants, even for the short term.
please seek all the help you can get, we've all been in dark places with this awful condition, let alone with your added responsibilities.
and please post daily just so we know how things are going on,
take care
Suzanne x
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/4/2010
Posts: 576
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Oh Gogs - don't be so hard on yourself. We all make rash decisions at times and I'm sure your Drs will understand that. You HAVE been a lovely friend and a strong support even though you feel so low yourself. Depression makes us feel like a bystander in our lives sometimes and the detachment and self analysis is so hard to bear. but it is understandable and you need to ease up on yourself. You have managed so much for so long and it is inevitable that you now need some extra support.
Sending you love and hoping there is some support on the horizon for you to help ease all you are struggling with x Ailsa
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 561
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Dear Gogs
Sending you love and hugs , Sophie x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 10/20/2012 Posts: 304 Location: Cheshire
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Hi Everyone and thanks for your amazing support.
I'm not that good this morning but have been trying to put into action some of the ideas you've all been giving me.
1) Doctors are fully booked until my arranged appointment on 24th Feb.
2) Carers society have just phoned and they are coming to see me on the 5th March
3) I did email re hospital and retract my previous letter - I'll just have to wait and see.
4) Spoke with my pharmacist and he said that the drugs I am on they would not be able to discharge me - however, I know that there
is a clause relating to 'the breakdown of mutual trust' when doctors can decide they are unable to continue care with a particular patient.
I did not complain about the care, in fact I praised it but I did say I was stopping all treatment.
Why is it when we are so in need we set about alienating ourselves from everyone.
Gogs
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/4/2010
Posts: 576
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Well done Gogs. That sounds like a productive day! Glad the Carer's Association will be getting in touch. There are some unexpected bonuses too - I get a free gym pass as my Dad's carer and a friend gets a free one as my carer. Now all I need is some energy to go there!!
Take care Gogs x Ailsa
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 302
Location: Rainham Kent
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Hi Gogs,
Sending today's love to you and your husband.
Don't worry about part 4 of your list until you have to. Sorry your
appointments aren't sooner.
Love Anne
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2013 Posts: 144 Location: Dumfries
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Hi gogs
l too have been thinking about you and how you are - l am glad to hear you have been in touch with people that can in turn help you and your husband.
Please keep checking in and tell us how things are.
love and best wishes
Lisa xx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 10/20/2012 Posts: 304 Location: Cheshire
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Good morning everyone,
What would I do without you all, you have been a life saver to me this past week
I'm still trying to implement some of those suggestions that you past on . Yesterday my neighbour called
in to see us and I have enlisted her to take my husband to his next diabetic appointment at the surgery. I said
I would write a note about things that needed to be mentioned. Another trip I don't have to do - it feels like my birthday!
I know my husband is not too happy and would prefer it to be just me but I really cannot cope at that level any longer.
I spoke with the consultant yesterday and my fears were unfounded. She's going to make arrangements to see me soon.
I'm so relieved about that, I really thought I'd made a mess of things. I told her about the pain in my ribs (back) and she said
she'd had never found that to be part of RA and suggested I ask the physio today to look at the whole back area. She did
mention about my weight again and felt that I should speak with my GP about any help and support he could offer - do GP's have access
to social support services?
I'd still rather be in than out, still rather be on my own than in company, still cry at the drop of a hat but all of you have helped me immensely
and without you being there for me every morning, saying all the right things, this week could have been very different. I'm still in that bad place
but I do feel just slightly that I'm gaining some control.
Gogs xxxxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/5/2010 Posts: 185 Location: Lowestoft, Suffolk
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Morning Gogs! Really nice to see you are getting a little help (although means a lot), lovely neighbour!  The big thing I see is that you are being practical and getting things in place bit by bit, asking for and accepting help. Small steps that will get you to a better place. There's the saying that applies here 'How do you eat an elephant? - In small chunks' and that's what you are doing. Appreciate things are still cr@p but that light at the end of the tunnel may actually be reinstated. What a relief eh? Looking forward to when it all comes together and you are in that better place. Lots of love Angie. Be yourself - everyone else is taken. XX
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Hi Gogs, I`m so very pleased that you have spoken to your consultant - one less thing to worry about. So pleased too, that you have a good neighbour - bless her for stepping in to help. You`d be the first to help others, and it`s time to accept help FROM others, for a change. As far as I know, your GP can play a big part in getting you some support - so a good idea to go and talk to him. You could maybe jot down some questions for him/her. I know it is still early days, but you will get back on an even keel, and we will support you on the forum for as long as it takes. One day at a time, yes? Love, Kathleen x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/25/2010 Posts: 1,289 Location: Buckinghamshire
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hi Gogs,
so pleased to see you have spoken with your Consultant, one major step for you.
and it make's such a difference to have a good neighbour or friend nearby, who is willing to help .. you must take all the help offered as i know you would do the same back if you could,
i would also say GP is the first port of call for any Service, so hopefully another plan can be put into action there. sounds like you are seeing the Physio today so hope this helps too,
i know you're in a very dark place sill but you sound more upbeat today,
hope things continue to improve,
Suzanne x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 4/20/2010 Posts: 1,749 Location: Somerset
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Caught and read all the posts, Poor you got I do feel for you.
You have so much good advice so I am not going to suggest any more.
My thoughts are with you
Rose x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 10/20/2012 Posts: 304 Location: Cheshire
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To all of you that keep replying to me and keeping me going - THANK YOU  I'm not in that very black hole I was in last weekend. I know that if someone had offered me a way out I would have taken it, I don't feel that now. So, that lovely person who alerted NRAS on my behalf I send you a big hug. I can still cry easily, I cannot hide my feeling from my friend (she's the one I was protecting as she had lost her father only two weeks previously) she picks them up like a magnet. She told me last night that she could see it coming on my face, that I just kept pushing her away saying - 'I'm fine' (or perhaps not always THAT polite!). I did tell her about you all and how you had all supported and helped me, I cannot thank you enough. I'm not 'healed' yet and will still 'look in' on my support group. I am angry that I have become ill when I haven't the time to focus on my needs. Through my husband and my own illness I have had to say good-bye to so many activities I enjoyed but I have now enrolled on a photography course, I'm going to my first aqua-aerobics class next Wednesday and hopefully if I can start to build up a bit of muscle I can go back to my usual swimming group. Love to all gogs
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 4/24/2013 Posts: 703 Location: Hexham
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Well done Gogs, that's the way to go. It will require baby steps to get there so will take some time, but I would guess that you don't have the energy for anything more than baby steps. It sounds patronising and is not meant to be but you need to focus on the small successes and try to set aside the larger losses - think about the things you can do and not the things you can no longer do. I find that helps me get through the days. Have you spoken to your GP about how you feel? Some treatment for your low mood might be a good idea and it doesn't HAVE to be another pill, it could just be some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Think about it....? Paul Barrett
Hexham - Northumberland - Loads of spectacular walks - all I need now are the joints to go with them! :)
Enthesitis (2012)
Ulcerative Colitis (1990)
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/29/2013 Posts: 106 Location: Surrey
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Hello Gogs, I've been reading your post & was really upset you felt so alone. I'm glad you have had the strength & support to put the wheels in motion & wanted to send hugs to you Louise
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/4/2010
Posts: 576
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Hi Gogs - I just saw that you also live in Cheshire. Whereabouts are you? I'm in Warrington.
Hoping today has been a little bit easier for you. Thinking of you x Ailsa
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